Why, Why, Why?
by AlfieFire
Summary: Even if they try to stop me, I'll still do it. Can't I finally have my earned peace? Is it really too much to ask? Angsty Roxas suicide fic.


**I wrotes meh an angst fic! But just a warning, Roxas is suicidal.**

**Doesn't he seem like he could be suicidal in the game? His story always makes me depressed, so I think of Roxas as a depressing character. Really, "it looks like my summer vacation is over" put me into tears!**

**Disclaimer: I wish on a magical fish that I owned this fic… but I don't.**

**-AF-**

Every step I take in this god forsaken castle echoes around this stupid room, creating a noise that I've hated so long for so many months. The noise hums in my head, reminding me of how hollow I am, figuring I **am** a nobody.

I hate it.

_White is surrounding me viciously, but there's some black mixed in. There's breathing too… I know people are here, even if I can't see them. But… hospitals usually don't have black…_

"_Where am I? What happened?"_

_Their cold laughter sends shivers up into my spine, but there wasn't anything funny in what I just said._

'_A cult?' I think bitterly._

_I try to sit up but they've restrained my arms and legs. Maybe this is my end…_

"_What's your name?" a deep voice rings out and asks me._

_Why can't I answer his question? Shouldn't I know my name? Everyone knows their name! Why now do I not know it?_

"_I… I don't really know."_

_They laugh a little bit more, and the room comes a little bit more into focus as each time passes._

"_Do you know how you got here?" he asks again in that deep voice that seems to illustrate command and little mercy._

"…_N-no. I don't."_

_They start laughing again, their amused voices filling the room that is my prison._

'_Why do they keep laughing at me? Was I kidnapped?' I start to hyperventilate._

"_Your name is Roxas. Welcome to Organization XIII, as you are the thirteenth member of our elite group." the deep voiced man said as he stepped up to me and into my range of view._

Finally, I've reached my destination and with a smile on my face too. Remembering when I first woke up was just what I needed to make up my mind. The coldness that almost all of them sent at me along with the hate was enough to allow anybody make up their mind.

It was all thanks to you, Sora.

"_Happy one month anniversary in the Organization!"_

_I frown as my head gets ruffled by my overly energetic red-head companion._

"_Is this really something to be celebrating, Axel?" I say as I carefully sit on the edge of the Twilight Town train station clock to eat my ice cream._

"_Nah, but why not? Gotta have some sort of life other than those life-suckers back there. Now, try the ice cream already, ya slow poke!"_

_I carefully open the white paper to see a sky blue ice cream bar._

"_Are you sure this is edible?"_

"_Yes! Now eat it!"_

"… _this is great!"_

"_Told ya!"_

_I adjust myself so I could suck at my ice cream without feeling like I was going to fall._

"_Hey Axel, why does everybody here hate me?"_

"_Hate you, why would they hate a sweet little thing like you?"_

_I moved away as he tried to pinch my cheeks. "Stop avoiding the question."_

_He sighed dramatically. "You really want to know?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Well I'm not gonna tell you."_

"_Axel, I will push you off this clock tower and make sure you keep falling."_

"_Fine, fine. You asked for it. Your other half killed off most of the Organization."_

_Shock made my body stiffen. "My… other… half… me?"_

"_We wanted to use Sora and lured him to Castle Oblivion. But that idiot Marluxia decided that he wanted to turn against the main group, and that ended up with Sora destroying them. Such a sad story, huh? I'm the only one you didn't kill."_

"…"

"_Hey, stop being so sad. They were asking for it, but I wouldn't repeat that. Let's go get some more sea-salt ice cream, okay?"_

Axel. He was always very nice to me, even if I did try killing him. He and Demyx are probably the only things that helped me until now, but they're away on a mission. I laugh sometimes about how their abilities are so different, yet they can be the best of friends and support each other on missions.

Something I'll never have.

_Demyx ran up to me, bouncing with every step. "Hey Roxy! Ya know how Axel always uses all that hair gel and the hair concrete?"_

"_Sure…What are you getting at though?"_

"_I say that we put green dye in his hair gel so it will match his eyes! Then we could call him the hulk!"_

_I gave him a high five. "Let's do it."_

"_But we could also replace all his coats except the one he's wearing today with dresses from that one world with Belle!"_

"_Cross dressing hulk?"_

"_Yup!"_

_We both burst out laughing at the thought of it, as I opened a shaky portal to get the dresses._

"He never did like it," I chuckled quietly to myself while looking at one of the two remaining pictures I always keep with me to save it from being burned. Axel always will remember that, Demyx will make sure of it.

I walked over to where I usually sit, and looked up at the moon. This moon is all the hopes and dreams of the others, but really, does it matter? We're still alive, we beat the odds of death, but yet we can't be happy?

This life… is the life of the damned.

I sigh unhappily as another flashback starts to happen, but if I keep thinking, they might come to stop me. So, I'll have to hurry and finish my letter to Axel and Demyx. Why I didn't finish it before, I don't know, but now is the time.

--

I turn sharply as the door I just came out of opens, and out came a worried looking Axel and Demyx. Why can't I just do this? Why does seeing their faces make me want to stop? Why, why, why?

"Wait, Roxy, don't!"

Axel runs forward as I stand up and drop my letter. His eyes open wide as he realizes what I'm about to do, but he can't stop me. Nobody can, not now.

"Roxas, don't do this. For Ax and I, you're a brother, ca'mon, step away. For us, Roxas, for us!" Demyx tries coaxing me away, but he's just making me want to jump more.

I laugh a hollow laugh that puts alarm onto their faces.

"Thanks guys, it means a lot… But, I'm sorry."

I take a step back as they run forward, and I feel the happiness I don't think I've ever felt build up inside me and onto my face as I start to feel the wind.

'This is the end… Finally… I'll finally be able to rest in peace.'

-- Axel POV --

"Roxas! Roxas! NO! NO YOU CAN'T DO THIS!"

I stand back in shock as Demyx runs forward to the edge, and looks down at what would be our best friend.

My mouth is open, I know it. He never talked about this before, never showed any sadness, just the usual Roxy attitude.

"Roxas…" my voice is a faint whisper, carried into the breeze.

Frustrated screams break through the stale night air, as Demyx turns to me smiling sadly.

"I'm so sorry that you can't get the relief you want…"

**OH! I did it! I was thinking, wouldn't it be nice to make Roxy try to commit suicide then have him discover that he couldn't even if he wanted to? I imagined him in a hospital room screaming when he woke up, but having him fall off the motel thingy where the first Xemnas battle was and wake up on the ground in front of the truck makes me feel so much better! Cuz face it, hospitals just aren't a fun place to wake up in. Anyways, this is complete, but I'm going to add the letter in another chapter, but this would be considered done.**

**Demyx does know about the whole 'you can't die unless by key blades' thing, but he just didn't want Roxas to know, cuz that'd just make him even more depressing.**

**Hey, you! There is a little green button in the middle of the page. Click it. I dare you.**


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